Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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