I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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