Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
