just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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