I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
