I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
