weddingsv make me drug and hornr
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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