there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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