she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
