He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
