It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
