U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
smell my finger.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
