Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
