We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
