You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
