I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
