God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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