Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
