Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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