Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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