i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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