I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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