Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
