You made me cry and you don't even care
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
