omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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