and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
