but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
