Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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