Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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