I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
