I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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