i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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