bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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