i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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