Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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