We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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