Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
