I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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