I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
