this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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