I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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