so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
