what day is it and did you see me today?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
