hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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