Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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