Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
