the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
