The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
