i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize