Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
