sarcasm needs its own font
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
