Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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