she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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