I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You have to summon your inner elephant
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
