Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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