he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
