You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
