New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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