i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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