First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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