All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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