May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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