oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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