OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
